Im lonely how can i make friends

As an adult, it might seem difficult or impossible to make new connections, but if you're willing to put in the effort, you can certainly build new relationships. This article covers possible reasons why you've been unsuccessful in your attempts to make friends and how not having friends negatively impacts your mental health. It also provides tips on how you can make new friends. According to Ermilio, there are many reasons why someone might struggle to make friends.

These reasons are outlined below. A very common reason for this difficulty is that many people experience some degree of anxiety when meeting new people.

This anxiety stems from a fear of being rejected or judged by others. For some people, these worries can interfere with their ability to connect with the other person because it is tremendously challenging to focus on and engage in a conversation when feeling nervous or uncertain about ourselves. These uncomfortable feelings may also encourage us to avoid making friends.

The next time you try to make a friend, scan your thoughts and feelings to see if you feel nervous , fearful, or uncertain. Then ask yourself if these thoughts or feelings are aiding or impeding your ability to make a friend.

Doing this may help you to better understand why it may be hard for you to make friends. Are there opportunities you may be turning down or shying away from because you want to avoid the difficulties that come with making friends?

Oftentimes our avoidance of hard things can go unnoticed or unquestioned. So, when you turn down social opportunities, ask yourself why. Be mindful of that decision and where it is coming from. It is difficult to make new friends when you are not putting yourself out there to do so.

People may put a lot of pressure on themselves to be popular and have several friends. It is not imperative to have a legion of friends; sometimes, all it takes is one or two friends to reap all the psychological benefits that come with deep friendships.

While there may be many reasons for friends not being there for you, we are going to focus on the things that you can do something about. If one or two friends give up on you or hurt you, the issue is likely theirs.

Perhaps something happened in their lives, or maybe they are selfish or even sociopaths. This is not as bad as it may sound. This is a big difference because it means that you can work on changing that particular habit, and you will see an incredible upswing in your social life.

For tips on things that tire people out, read the previous chapter Common mistakes that make it hard to make friends. These same mistakes also tend to tire people out later in the friendship. Talking about a challenge occasionally is fine and can even help them get to know you better. However, using your friends as therapists will wear on them. If you are able to go to a real therapist, you could do that instead.

If not, see if you can limit how often you talk to your friends about things that are emotionally taxing. You can also try online therapy. Clingy friends tend to need a lot of validation and can have unsaid expectations or rules that are easy to break, which then causes tension in the friendship.

If you find that you do this, remember that friendship requires both people to be equally invested in the time you spend together. If you find yourself pushing for more than your friend can give, then try contacting your friend a bit less. Focus more on getting to know other people to cover your social needs. You want to find a balance where you both feel comfortable.

Perhaps last-minute changes rattle you. The new plan may not be better or worse, just different. Give yourself a chance to adapt.

It could be good. It could even be better. There will always be individuals who are toxic, egoistic, and rude. Main article: How to make friends. But how do you actually make new friends, step by step? People often meet new friends through the existing ones. So you have to use different strategies to make friends when you have none. Below is a list of some quick pointers.

The main article goes into detail about each of these steps and more. This is why classes and regular meetups are good venues. Only try to make friends if you believe that it will make you happier.

One study found that feeling lonely is as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Individuals with tight friend groups had better support and protection than those who were lonely. Loneliness can be incredibly painful. David Morin is the founder of SocialPro. He's been writing about social skills since Follow on Twitter or read more. Not everyone has had the opportunity of college so I found that I could not fully take the quiz because the questions did not apply to me before or after college is a privileged question maybe change it to before or after your twenties.

You know why I have no friends? As a woman, other women only use you until they find a man. They leave you faster than crap through a goose. In California, everyone fronts. All my life, people just used me for my light. You realize as you get older how full of it most people are, and you just stay away from them. Even the friends I had from long ago abused me verbally, I just never realized it, as I came from a very abusive family. That is enough for me.

Hey Kimmy! People, male and female, seem to be fairweather friends. I have no friends. Mainly because I stopped even trying to like what people like. Money, music, bands, etc.

I do have interests paranormal shows you tube, games but really I find in this day of age everyone is so liberal. Not liberal in politics but in how we are all supposed to like Kayne, Drake Eminem. In the 80s the youth seemed less alienated. A person who is anxious, etc may want friends just not be able to do things with people. Hi Shara — I agree. Being alone is hard and to be told that others are alone too does absolutely nothing to help.

You left off another reason a person may have no friends. He or she got sober. A common problem. My house, tonight. Wanna sit together? Back in elementary, there was a new girl — Loosie. I had set this goal in my mind to go and talk to her, as I wanted to befriend her under any circumstances. Yes ladies and gentleman, I had made my first close friend. Unfortunately, she left town towards the end of the year. Despite her disability, her unexpected jerks and supposed seizures, I loved her for who she was, and I made sure she NEVER felt lonely.

When I graduated to middle school, though, things started to go downhill. This very pretty girl, heather practically, her name was Mia; we befriended eachother shortly after meeting, and let me tell you, it was the best feeling of being able to have someone else to communicate with.

As tragic as it was for me though, it was the truth, and she abandoned me after about two months of friendship or so, and constantly chatted with this girl named Samaria. In fact, sometimes she used to bully me for what I ate and that I was so skinny. Ever since that incident, my self-esteem had completely shattered, and my phobia of rejection had risen up to its peak. For countless days, which turned into weeks, which turned into months, which turned into years, I went to school listening to all the giggling of the interaction of a group of friends, and it was so loud that it had seemed that the whole school had been polluted of chatter.

Everyday, for over 5 years, this was the biggest adversity I had ever faced. I had a sensation in me to commit suicide, as I knew I could never live in this world, that I was too weak for it. But I knew what a horrendously sickening thought that was, so I banished it from my delicate and sensitive-to-everything mind asap. So many melodramatic teens, dating, the art of individuality, which of course people like me would be MASTERS at- and you know, so much more.

You were born a fighter because you are special, and no one can take that away from you, even the strongest man. If you feel the need to fit in, go for it! Or simply feel content with your own self. I really hope my little story motivated you to find a reason to be happy in life, and to enjoy simplicity! Otherwise, go big or go home, am I right? I think you are making a mistake in thinking that it is pointless to share what you are going thru. First off, putting your thoughts on paper, even when you have nobody to share it with, can be very liberating.

Besides for the fact that thru the writing process you may realize that there are points that you can change that can help you, which you may not realize when everything is mumble-jumble in your head.

Also, the very act of processing your thoughts cohesively is extremely helpful. And I would suggest that you keep a journal for yourself for this purpose. In addition, posting your story on a forum where we are all here for a common goal of self-help in social settings makes sense; you never know which helpful tip you may receive that can just change your life for the better. I would venture to say that the comment part of this site is equally important to the articles, as it gives us space to actualize the lessons being taught in these articles, and that is such a gift.

With regards to your story specifically, I am a guy, but I can relate to so so much of what you have written. I also struggled to make friends for so many years and when I finally did find a friend something or another would bring an end to the friendship. I would love to say that I eventually found the friend of my yearning; I did not.

I also waited and yearned for social invites and would jealously watch how others interacted with each other with obvious love and admiration. I also had my share of bullying without a real friend to stick up for me or to just share my pain. But I need to say that there is something amazing about the way you wrote your letter. You have so much personality. You have such a great way with words. I do believe that you will be Ok. No, more than Ok. Jacqueline started by introducing herself to her neighbours.

She credits signing up to a variety of classes and groups at the village hall as the catalyst for her new friendships. But she now says it was one of the best decisions of her life. A lifelong wheelchair user, Jacqueline was intrigued by a poster in the village hall advertising an adapted martial arts class.

Having gone along with some doubts, she was surprised to find how much she enjoyed it. Encouraged by her teacher, Carl Hodgetts , who in became the first wheelchair-using kickboxing instructor in the UK, she now proudly holds a white belt in Shiying Do adapted martial art. Over the past couple of years, and nearing 30, I made a conscious effort to make friends. Not to replace old ones, but to make new connections.

But I had resolved not to let these moments slip away and took her number. Fast forward to a meetup in a bar in central London. I had fretted about what to wear, whether she would recognise me and if there would be awkward silences; but we are now firm friends, exploring the capital and taking it in turns to suggest somewhere new.

Joining local running and cycling groups has also been a positive step. It is an excellent way to meet people in the area. In a world where technology and social media seem to bring more of us together more of the time, recent research indicates that more of us are feeling lonely more of the time too.

And I get it. I really do. Six years ago, I moved out of the city and away from a community of long-standing friends and neighbors. From a scenario in which I used to go out to work pretty much every day and got about on foot or public transport, now I work from home and go everywhere by car. Not great for those bumping into people in the street moments that can give such rich social possibilities. Add to the mix that at the same time my husband changed jobs and is now often away for long periods of time, and you can start to understand just how life began to feel very solitary at times.

And the more I ached for company, the more isolated I felt. The more isolated I felt, the less able I was to reach out. And the less I put myself out there, the worse it all was. If you want to ditch your own Norma or Norman No Mates Status soon, here are some of my insights for you to riff off. We can feel lonely for lots of reasons. In my case it was a big change in my living arrangements, and unfamiliarity with how things worked in my new surroundings.

You are not a bad person because you are feeling lonely. Yet I think at times we allow loneliness to say something about our worthiness. I certainly confused the two for too long.

But the truth is that being lonely is one thing. If you want to make friends , you have to make space for them. Energetically invite them into your life. For me, making space meant stopping being so anal about work, and being prepared to trade time previously assigned to it with social time. It also meant allowing myself to drop the guilt of missing some of my self-imposed deadlines in favor of being more playful.